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Mornings & Night
Not even rolling out of bed until I’ve scrolled for 30 min on Tumblr thinspo.
Feeling like crap afterwords which makes me not want eat for the rest of the day.
Take my Apple cider vinegar and water then my dietary pills and vitamins washed down with a hot cup of green ginger tea.
And then spend the rest of my day on Uni, school work, working out and Tumblr.
Nights:
Still scrolling through Tumblr and officially sulking that I’m not at my UGW or even skinny.
Contemplating whether I actually have an eating disorder or if I’m just faking it like the world tells me, because I’m fat…
Starring at the dark wall in silence while I slowly drift to sleep as my kitty cuddles me with comfort.
Repeat.
-Kawaii710
Check out my new uploads in my links for the rosiest new posts! & I’m returning all my new followers untill 10pm♥ X
🌸 pastel rosy 🌸
insta @carmenmisi
I LOVE how astheitic food is I just don’t want to eat it… nothing wrong with that right?
I hate myself when I starve and I hate myself when I’m eating normally.
I will hate myself no matter what.
Might as well be thin.
what am i supposed to say when someone asks me how i lost weight ? that i restricted myself of food ? that i didnt let myself eat ? that i literally starved myself because i felt so disgusted by my body ? that i exercised until my muscles ached for days because i thought i was so fat ? they dont want the truth, they cant handle the truth.
am i the only one who forgets i’m not skinny
like i spend hours looking at thinspo and i keep my stomach as empty as i can and i think to myself “i’m doing good”, but then look at the scale and see how far away i am from my goal, i look in the mirror and i don’t see my hip bones or my ribs or a thigh gap, i shower and when i’m washing myself i can grab onto so much fat. i always have to remind myself when i’m eating or when i want to go for seconds or when i think i should eat more that i’m not skinny, at least not yet, and that seems to be the only thing that keeps me going.
i don’t know maybe i’m just weird.
man this is me?? I look at thinspo and sip green tea and liv in this bubble of fake skinny and serenity for like two hours but when I turn my computer off and look in the mirror I’m just instantly reminded of the fact that I’m not the thinspo I looked at? it sucks
Me: I’m going to try to focus less on on food and hating my body and focus more on my writing and loving myself so that I don’t kill myself!
Also Me: yeah but if I get over 110 pounds I’m going to shoot myself in the face lawlz
Found some of my favorite thinspo gifs in my phone ❤️ (none of these are mine) This is how I want to be on 2019 😍🤩🌟