♡
like i spend hours looking at thinspo and i keep my stomach as empty as i can and i think to myself “i’m doing good”, but then look at the scale and see how far away i am from my goal, i look in the mirror and i don’t see my hip bones or my ribs or a thigh gap, i shower and when i’m washing myself i can grab onto so much fat. i always have to remind myself when i’m eating or when i want to go for seconds or when i think i should eat more that i’m not skinny, at least not yet, and that seems to be the only thing that keeps me going.
i don’t know maybe i’m just weird.
man this is me?? I look at thinspo and sip green tea and liv in this bubble of fake skinny and serenity for like two hours but when I turn my computer off and look in the mirror I’m just instantly reminded of the fact that I’m not the thinspo I looked at? it sucks
Ever since I started losing weight I can’t stop touching my collar bones, they’re protruding. Even in pictures I see them, they exist, it makes me wonder if my ribs and hip bones exist too?
I Can’t stop… I won’t.
“Defined cheek bones. Collar bones. Shoulder blades. Ribcage. Tiny waist. Hip bones. Thigh gap. Skinny.”
— Bonespo (via ancientrum)
honestly my biggest inspiration for getting skinny is the fact that i’ve never seen myself skinny. who knows what i look like? who knows how big my collarbones are, or how far out my hip bones can jut, or how prominent my cheekbones will look? it’s really quite exciting
You will learn to love the feeling of an empty stomach.
You will learn to love the feeling of hunger pains.
You will learn to love the excuses of why you’re not eating
You will learn to love the compliments.
You will learn to love the light-headedness.
You will learn to love the headaches.
You will learn to love Ana.
It will all be worth it in the end when you’re skinny, dear.
Too late… I love them already
But I still hate myself
Your hip bones show a little more
Your arms look thinner
Your clothes a little looser
Your collar bones show a little more
Your thighs touch a little less
Your cheek and jaw bones look sharper
The scale shows a little less
Your stomach is a little flatter
The best part about weight loss is feeling it, finally, after being uncomfortable for so long. It’s running your hands over your hip bones, feeling your collarbone and sharp shoulders, the space between you and your clothing when you move. It’s sitting down without your stomach bulging. It’s walking without your thighs slamming together. It’s placing your hand to the side of your face and feeling that delicate cheekbone in your palm. Looking thin is great, but feeling thin is amazing.
I will not eat until:
•I get dizzy when I stand
•I feel lightheaded all the time
•my legs wobble or ache when I walk
•my thighs don’t look huge
•my thighs don’t touch
•my index and thumb can fit around my wrist
•my arms are slim and don’t sag
•my hip bones protrude like nails
•my stomach is flat and toned
•my collarbones are noticeable and beautifully defined
•my knuckles look boney and delicate
•my cheekbones are slim and sharp
•my neck fits any necklace/choker
•anybody can pick me up
•people worry about me
•I fit into clothes from grade school
•kids section clothing fits me
•I am below 100pounds
•I am perfect
the biggest motivation for me is the fact that I’ve never seen myself skinny
so I don’t know what I’ll look like
I don’t know if my hip bones are pointed or if they’re more rounded
I don’t know if I’ll have a wide or a narrow thigh gap
I don’t know if my rib cage is tapered or straight
but I’m going to find out when I see them