Is it just me or does anyone else feel different when they’re hungry, like my body looks different to me after I eat, like I can go the whole day not eating and I’ll feel skinny and my collar bones will seem to stick out more and my waist will be a little slimmer, But then the instant I eat feels like I grow 2 sizes bigger and all of a sudden I’m fat again and never want to eat again.
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Body dysmorphia everyone!
Don’t try this at home kids
Does any of you have
A weird combination of visible collarbones but big boobs, thins wrists but fattier upper arms, visible ribs but muffintop, strong and toned shins but fat thighs????
Idk I just feel so strange? Is this normal?
Me af
this is literally my body
THIS IS LITERALLY MY BODY/2, except i don’t have muffintop :)
Ssooooo ME! How did you know?
Food doesn’t control me. Food doesn’t control me. Food doesn’t control me. Food doesn’t control me. Food doesn’t control me. Food doesn’t control me. Food doesn’t control me. Food doesn’t control me. Food doesn’t control me. Food doesn’t control me. Food doesn’t control me. Food doesn’t control me. Food doesn’t control me. Food doesn’t control me. Food doesn’t control me. Food doesn’t control me. Food doesn’t control me. Food doesn’t control me. Food doesn’t control me. Food doesn’t control me. Food doesn’t control me. Food doesn’t control me. Food doesn’t control me. Food doesn’t control me. Food doesn’t control me. Food doesn’t control me. Food doesn’t control me. Food doesn’t control me. Food doesn’t control me. Food doesn’t control me. Food doesn’t control me. Food doesn’t control me. Food doesn’t control me. Food doesn’t control me. Food doesn’t control me. Food doesn’t control me. I am in control.
*catches myself staring disgustedly at a random obese person*
<i>holy shit is my ed brain that fucked up or am i seriously a horrible person??</i>
Then realizes that the random obese person is you… Well shit, this is awkward.
You have permission to eat even if…
- you haven’t exercised
- you ate too much yesterday
- you ate too much today
- you don’t know the exact nutritional value of the meal
- you have gained weight
- feel like you don’t deserve it
But I don’t want to eat… why am I so weak?
Dreams of my UGW:
So I had a dream that I had met my Ultimate Goal Weight, it was so beautiful I cried when I woke up. This is how it happened, its kinda long.
Back story:
My mom is literally thinspo at home, all day, every day, 365 days a year. 5'8, size 0, thigh never touch even when sitting, D boobs, tiny waist, and size 6 in rings. I use to always be her size too until puberty hit and my depression kicked in. I just ate and read my books, so i got fat- 200lbs of fat. Being 5'10 I could carry it well but I was still “big”.
Dream:
I went home Halloween week to see my mom because I took time off and it was her birthday. It was a chilly fall morning and I had just got out of the car from an 8 hour drive. We were hugging and everyone in the family (aunts, uncles, and cousins) gathered at my grandmother house for the day to play and eat dinner. I walked inside the house with my bags and put them in the spare bedroom of my grandmothers’ house. There was a full length mirror in the corner of the bedroom raised on its legs (It was one of those tilty mirrors). My mom walks in, in all her beautiful glory and stands next to me in the mirror, leaning her chin on my boney shoulders. It was then that I had realized my shoulders were small and my collarbones could cut glass, jutting out from my skin. It continued to dawn on me and look at the rest of my body, it was just like her- small wrists, dainty waist, thigh gap that you could fit a book though. It was beautiful, I was beautiful, I felt euphoric. I had accomplished everything I wanted in life and I could FINALLY stand confidently in the mirror next to my mom who was smiling at me. She was beaming with pride at the women I had become and so had I.
It Motivated Me:
It was so palpable to me I almost forgot it wasn’t real. I know what I look like under these pounds of fleash, just like my mom. And that is what give me so much motivation, even now. I was 200lbs at 18 and obease, I dropped 60 lbs in 2 month and it wasn’t easy.
All the long nights of hunger pains so bad I felt like i was dying.
The amount of exercise I would still do even though I had beeen fasting for 3 days; I felt like my heart would be out of my chest.
The dinners I missed out on even when we went on vacation out of the country.
But, it was all worth it, every single bit of it. I loved feeling smaller every, single, day.
In The End:
I got comfortable with my weight and how good it felt. People were complimenting me, asking me how I did it and I wasn’t even skinny. I was considered “average” for my weight and age. But I have decided to continue on with my weightloss transformation and become a better me.
So this is my motivational letter to myself.
I will lose that 40lbs before Halloween, and 20more lbs by Christmas to reach my UGW!!!
- I still stop making excuses
- I will workout every day for an hour (minimum)
- I will fast 3 days a week
- I will drink 2L of water daily
- I will get 8 hrs of sleep each night
- I will work on school work first
- I will eat healthy and cut carbs and sugar
- I will be skinny by halloween 🕸
- I Will Feel Euphoric by Thanksgiving 🌬
- I WILL BE ETHEREAL BY CHRISTMAS ❄
Stay Safe Loves 🖤
The crippling realization that even when I reach my UGW I will still have stretch marks…
He looks at me and pretends that my eyes are not sad anymore.
We are laying in bed and he tells me that my eyes are always sad, and when he touches me he says that my skin is always soft. We look into each others eyes and he says he loves the way we lay and do nothing. We kiss and we touch and he says he loves how tender I am with him, cause no one has ever been this tender with him before. We lay in bed and he tells me how much he loves that I stay, he holds me and tells me how he feels as if I’m the one holding him.
He comes close to me and I move away and he smiles and pretends that I’m shy, and that’s why when I lay on his chest he puts his arms around me and tells me a story about him as a kid.
And I don’t think he should feel that way
Cause I don’t feel what he feels
He says my eyes are sad, my skin is soft, my hands are tender and he never had anything like this before.
And I don’t understand what he is talking about and I don’t understand how he can feel that way. But I’m laying on his chest and he has his arms around me. I feel like crying and he holds me tight. And maybe I understand what he is taking about.
- me: wow I'm fat
- me: maybe I look ok
- me: I AM PERFECT THE WAY I AM
- me: I'm fucking disgusting I'm losing weight now
- me: I am more than just my weight!
- me: who the fuck cares about anything
- me: I AM SO FAT.
- me: idk curves are beautiful i am beautiful
- me: i hate myself
